I am heart pressed. I do not feel inspired. I feel heavy laden, burdened by stories of oppression that are so deeply embodied literally in their bodies. I feel disconnected from my own white body. Emptied out of any treasures I thought may lie therein seem now eaten away with corrosion of what my whiteness represents, has cost others. I am disoriented, my head has stopped working. But I press in to fill it more so that I can push through the confusion of my disorientation in the context of this alter/native journey. I feel many things that I cannot even process. Some of it not knowing if I have a right to. I am confused, lost, and need God to help me see, feel, as the kaleidoscope shifts all the tumbling parts turn into a new pattern, arranged in new directions, orientation to all the parts of I am and who other are. I am heart pressed.