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Writing Myself Here ~ In this Moment

I am heart pressed. I do not feel inspired. I feel heavy laden, burdened by stories of oppression that are so deeply embodied literally in their bodies. I feel disconnected from my own white body. Emptied out of any treasures I thought may lie therein seem now eaten away with corrosion of what my whiteness represents, has cost others. I am disoriented, my head has stopped working. But I press in to fill it more so that I can push through the confusion of my disorientation in the context of this alter/native journey. I feel many things that I cannot even process. Some of it not knowing if I have a right to. I am confused, lost, and need God to help me see, feel, as the kaleidoscope shifts all the tumbling parts turn into a new pattern, arranged in new directions, orientation to all the parts of I am and who other are. [if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f> </v:formulas> <v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"></v:path> <o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"></o:lock> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="Picture_x0020_13" o:spid="_x0000_s1026" type="#_x0000_t75" style='position:absolute;margin-left:224.4pt;margin-top:0;width:275.6pt; height:381.6pt;z-index:251665408;visibility:visible;mso-wrap-style:square; mso-width-percent:0;mso-height-percent:0;mso-wrap-distance-left:9pt; mso-wrap-distance-top:0;mso-wrap-distance-right:9pt; mso-wrap-distance-bottom:0;mso-position-horizontal:right; mso-position-horizontal-relative:margin;mso-position-vertical:center; mso-position-vertical-relative:margin;mso-width-percent:0; mso-height-percent:0;mso-width-relative:margin;mso-height-relative:margin'> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\Users\KERRIE~1\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image001.jpg" o:title=""></v:imagedata> <w:wrap type="square" anchorx="margin" anchory="margin"></w:wrap> </v:shape><![endif][if !vml][endif]I am heart pressed.

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